Two Different Experiences of Motherhood

By Liberty Nicholas

 

Ellis is our first living child and after three losses we were so desperate to have a baby. During my pregnancy a private scan discovered he had duodenal atresia (a blockage in his stomach), which would need operating on at birth. Having such a scary start to his life meant we didn’t really know what to expect and didn’t really have the space to then process a surprise Down syndrome diagnosis at just a few hours old.

 

Photo credit: @littlelilyphotographyuk

 

Ellis was taken away from us after birth to be intubated in the NICU, we didn’t see him until four hours later and he didn’t come home for four weeks. In the first few months we were inundated with various appointments and therapies with ‘homework’ and exercises for him to complete. I was always worrying about what the future would hold and never let myself enjoy him as a baby.

Fast forward to our lives so far with his little sister Aubrey and whilst I was given extra monitoring during my pregnancy, my labour was pretty straightforward. Aubrey was handed to me straightaway and we were able to go home together the next day. With Aubrey I don’t have developmental milestones as targets, and I am not being told each day how to care for my baby. It’s so lovely for things to now be so laid back but it also feels a bit surreal to be so relaxed and in control of my child’s care.

The experience of motherhood is so different with both of my children and whilst we never imagined having a child with Down syndrome, I feel so blessed to have Ellis in our lives, showing us all just how hard he is prepared to work at everything. It’s not the family unit I had hoped for when I was younger… it’s so much more!

 

Photo credit: @littlelilyphotographyuk

 

If I could say anything to someone who is dealing with a new diagnosis I’d say: -

 

• Remember this is your baby. All they need ultimately is to feel loved by you.
• The milestones will come, even if it takes a little bit longer for them to reach them.
• Try to join a local support group or find people online that live nearby. Finding your tribe through all of this is even more important than ever and it helps to have people who understand.

 

Having two under two isn’t always easy but I find getting out of the house every day helps me stay sane. Obviously in order to do that you need to make sure you have the right pushchair.

 

I’d say when looking for a pushchair you need to find one that is easy to put together, one that your babies are comfortable in and for me it also must look good!

 

 

We went for the iCandy Peach 7 double pushchair for all of the above reasons but also, with Ellis’ low muscle tone I needed something very sturdy and extremely comfortable for him to sit in. The iCandy is the only pram I have tried that Ellis sits up and doesn’t slouch in. I also love how the carrycot and seat unit utilise the same frame, so you don’t have to store a whole carrycot unit somewhere when you’re done with it. This is brilliant not just for storage space and convenience but from a sustainability angle too.

 

It’s been a long journey to get the family unit I have today and whilst it’s not what I had pictured when I was younger… it’s so much more.

 

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